<< A braccio

We all like honesty. It’s a fundamental pillar of society; and yet, we tend to react strongly when someone expresses something about us that we don’t like. The italian expression a braccio refers to those honest expressions candidly given by those around us. 

But if we like honesty, why don’t we openly appreciate what we get told even for our benefit?

Well, for starters; speaking a braccio doesn’t necessarily mean speaking with kindness. The classic how to win friends and influence people gives clear advice on this topic: make someone else’s problems your own, with honesty. (I’m paraphrasing here, so forgive the inaccuracies.

This is a remarkable quality of good educators that point out the flaws within us in a way that expresses care and interest. 

As it turns out, people not only identify with ideas; we are ideas. It might even be that, ultimately what we fear is not necessarily the truth in itself, but rather the shame and judgement of our peers and those that we care about. 

Strictly speaking, this inner construct (or our self image) and the value that others put on it intertwines in a very complex way and contributes to the meaning we have in our social groups and society at large.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise then that truths said in our best interest but be perceived as an attack backfire horribly and tend to have the opposite effects on behavior. 

Does this mean we should lie to others? No. Not really. If anything offensive truth might be better than sweet deceit. The task however  is two sided:

We should strive to give the truth to others in a way that suffering is minimized and souring of the relationship is less; but as a listener, it’s my duty to heed truths no matter how badly they come to me.

In the end, we should see things for their value. Truth, honesty, that which cannot be denied reduces that which we don’t know and contributes to our better understanding of our world. It might be the reason why we like some of our enemies, their comments hurt but you always can trust they’re honest (and hopefully learn something from them).

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